The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe review: This is not a review

This is not a review of The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe. If you clicked on this thinking that it would, in fact, be a review of The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but that is not what this is.

Unfortunately for me, who agreed to review The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe for Polygon, to even describe the relationship between the The Stanley Parable (2013) and The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe (2022) is to ruin the entire experience of playing Ultra Deluxe, a game that is an extended meta joke about games. Because a review of a videogame isn’t meant to make the experience worse, there are very limited tools I have to write this review.

I sympathize, though, with your clicking on this and expecting it to be a review of The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe. Yes. That’s why I think so. If you have clicked on this not-review for the express purpose of deciding whether to buy and/or play this game, I have just the thing for you. Mike, hit ’em using the old Polygon Recommends. )

(Thanks, Mike. )

So there! Fret no more, would-be consumer. Though this is not a review of The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe, it should be clear now that Polygon has recommended The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe.

Phew. I feel better already. Don’t you?

(Note to self: Find a screenshot to put here. The screens of this game are all so boring, so maybe use something from Elden Ring. There are many of them. DO NOT FORGET TO DELETE THIS)

If that is all you wanted, then feel free to continue. This review is not The Stanley Parable Ultra Deluxe ,, a recommended game by Polygon.

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…

OK, I think they’re gone now. It’s just you and me. Thanks for sticking in there. It’s hard to believe that I haven’t written a review for The Stanley Parable Ultra Deluxe .. Some of my favorite and most insightful moments in the game are

.

, and that one time when

. Those were great moments. Really great moments. Truly amazing stuff.

Maybe at this moment you find yourself doubting that I actually played this game. When reading reviews, one of our first assumptions is that the reviewer played some or all of the game to be able to form a cohesive opinion. To your credit, hypothetical skeptical reader, I could conceivably have not played this game and still written what I’ve written. It’s a valid, if somewhat conspiratorial, concern. To that end, here’s a screenshot of a system menu on my PlayStation 5 to assuage your concerns:

How’s that for transparency? It’s not that I didn’t play The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe and thus could not write a review of The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe. No, no. It’s that I chose to not write a review of The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe.

Which leads us to the natural question of: Why would I choose to write the review this way?

I mean, Metacritic is going to have anything to do with it. This is a positive review? Is this Mixed? Is there an “Abstain” option on Metacritic? Although I do not know much about SEO, I can imagine that this review is not very well optimized. This will not impress advertisers. Elden Ring, Elden Ring, Elden Ring. That should be enough, even if Mike decides to publish it, as you all know. He wouldn’t be wrong, I would.

OK, if you’ve made it this far, you’ve proven yourself to be a Valued Platinum Reader(tm). So I’ll level with you: I wrote this review this way because if you are the kind of person who can make it to the end of this and not totally hate the reviewer (me), and furthermore you find that you are the kind of person who is actually kind of entertained by this whole “deconstruction of genre as extended joke” vibe I’m giving off, and even more furthermore you have at least once laughed or drolly smirked while reading this not-review, then you are in fact a person who should play The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe. Even if you’ve played the original. Perhaps especially if you’ve played the original.

Which is a long way of saying:

In conclusion The Stanley Parable : Ultra Deluxe Is a game that should be and can be played.

The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe was released April 27 on Linux, Mac, Nintendo Switch, PlayStation 4, PlayStation 5, Windows PC, Xbox One, and Xbox Series X. The game was nonreviewed on PlayStation 5 using a download code provided by Crows Crows Crows. Vox Media has affiliate partnerships. These do not influence editorial content, though Vox Media may earn commissions for products purchased via affiliate links. You can find additional information about Polygon’s ethics policy here. If you’d like to complain about this non-review of The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe, you can email michael.mahardy@polygon.com.