Why Elon Musk won't launch a magical Tesla smartphone

Fake news about the Tesla Pi Phone is making the rounds on the Internet again (just like in 2021). It seems that scammers are not collecting money for pre-orders yet, but be vigilant. And do a little research: is a miracle smartphone with blackjack and starlinks really possible and would anyone really want it?

Let's see what this legend consists of and how far it is from reality (or not). It is always interesting to analyse myths, so let's go!

Free Starlink?

It would be a killer feature, but nothing is free. For example, the operation of Starlink for the Ukrainian front costs about $50 million a year. And someone (in this case, our Polish partners) finances it. Who will finance your tiktoks from your smartphone is a big question.

So maybe at least for money, but satellite internet in a smartphone?

And that's a no-brainer. For this purpose, there is already a Direct-to-cell technology, which is being tested even by Kyivstar (so far outside Ukraine). Moreover, it will work on all devices, not just some special handsets with special antennas. However, it's not very fast (up to 10-15 Mbps), so it's more of a backup than a replacement for a full-fledged 4/5G.

Charging from the sun?

Well, this is a kind of innovation. It's been done before, remember the Samsung S7550 from back in 2009 and several other attempts to integrate solar panels into a smartphone. It didn't take off: the panel area is small, but even it requires direct sunlight, which leads to considerable heating. Any smartphone can be charged from the sun, but it requires separate, larger external panels.

Cryptocurrency mining?

Don't be ridiculous. Even the most powerful chips today, such as the Snapdragon 8 Elite Gen 5 or MediaTek Dimensity 9500, do not make economic sense in modern cryptocurrency mining. CPU mining has not been paying off for a long time. The industry, with few exceptions, uses specialised chips (ASICs) that are not capable of anything but mining. Not to mention the power consumption of such tasks. Some variations of the myth even name a specific cryptocurrency: Marscoin. First, this project has been around for a long time and has nothing to do with Tesla. Secondly, it uses the Scrypt mining algorithm, which definitely requires specialised powerful chips. So don't listen to this nonsense.

How about at least a smartphone with Neuralink?

Neuralink is an experimental interface for controlling a computer using a brain implant. Mostly for medical purposes. As of now, seven patients with mobility problems are taking part in the experiment. So let's first look at at least some commercial implementations of this technology, and only then use its name in the same sentence as the word "smartphone". Because there is currently no connection between these concepts.

That's a lie, I've seen Tesla smartphones on sale myself!

I believe you. Moreover, refrigerators, air conditioners, electric toothbrushes and other household appliances are sold with the Tesla logo. But this is a different Tesla: a Serbian customer, a Chinese OEM plant, no innovations and no connection with the American tech giant.

And what does Musk himself say?

As usual, nothing specific. On the one hand, there are no plans to launch smartphones, but "if they force it", everything will change. Elon Musk has enough money and marketing influence to launch and announce anything. But smartphones are a non-core product for Tesla in a highly competitive market. Moreover, it's a stagnant one: the race for gigahertz and megapixels is stalling, and all current expectations are for the hype around AI. Therefore, it is much more likely that some of the technologies of Mr Musk's companies will be used in smartphones from other manufacturers than that Tesla or another brand from this orbit will enter the smartphone market on its own. Except for the sake of hype.

What do you think?