Stop it now: what pisses me off about smartphone manufacturers

Collage. Source: DALL-E

Of course, smartphones are an extremely useful human invention that has become an important part of our existence, but sometimes it seems that smartphone manufacturers are actively testing our patience. Every year, they promise revolutions that turn out to be mere cosmetic repairs, and marketing phrases like "power", "style", and "innovation" have long since lost all meaning. Now I'll tell you what exactly pisses me off (and hopefully all of you) about their endless promises and creative approach to how to "sell" the next device.

1. Stop calling your shells operating systems

Smartphone manufacturers are trying to convince us that their proprietary shells are more than just a pretty interface for Android. For example, all of these shells - OxygenOS, FuntouchOS, OriginOS, ColorOS - are actually called "operating systems" by the manufacturers. But let's be honest: they are just add-ons on top of regular Android and use Google Mobile Services (GMS) resources. That means search, mail, maps, and the app store. Huawei has the right to call its Harmony an operating system, although it is also related to Android and is based on AOSP (Android Open Source Project).

Shells are certainly an important element that helps to distinguish a smartphone from competitors. They add their own widgets, icons, and proprietary features, but Android still remains at the core. When manufacturers call it an "operating system", they are misleading consumers. What's more, these shells often put an unnecessary burden on the system. Built-in apps that cannot be removed, in-app ads, and failure to keep promises of updates only add to the frustration.

So, instead of rebranding Android, focus instead on making the shell user-friendly, fast, and unobtrusive. Consumers will appreciate real improvements more than marketing gimmicks.

2. Stop using the word "stylish"

The word "stylish" has long lost all meaning in the world of marketing in general and smartphones in particular. Every device, regardless of its appearance, is described with this word in press releases, presentations, and promotional materials. But let's be honest: not everything with a glossy back or metal frame deserves this epithet.

Phone manufacturers are pushing "stylish" devices with the same design that is repeated year after year. The word "stylish" has become an empty marketing phrase that hides a complete lack of creativity. A square block of cameras? That's stylish. A glossy back that collects fingerprints? Also stylish. Materials that look expensive only in photos? Let me guess - stylish again. Moreover, this word does not explain the real capabilities and even the appearance of the device. Why not tell us about something exceptional? Is there no exception and your device is "the same as the competition"? Then I'm sorry: true style is when form serves function, and yours is just another cliché. How are you going to stand out if you make the same clichés as your competitors? We all know the answer - you can't!

3. Stop calling all processors productive

Seriously, that's enough. Every smartphone, from budget to flagship, is constantly advertised as "powerful" and "productive". But what does this word actually mean in the context of modern phones? Nothing but another marketing mantra. After all, even the weakest chip for the budget segment today can handle basic tasks such as messengers, social media, or video. So why do manufacturers continue to sing the praises of each processor?

It's especially ridiculous when it comes to devices with the simplest chips that can't even handle average graphics in mobile games. You barely have enough power to open tabs in a browser without noticeable friezes, but of course you are "productive"! Even in the flagship segment, the term loses its meaning: when everyone uses the same Snapdragon or MediaTek processors, what unique "power" can we talk about? You are levelling the perception of meaning by using the same epithets for different classes of processors. If the processor in a $100 smartphone and a $1,000 one is "productive," how is a consumer supposed to understand the difference between them? Surely it exists?

Another thing is to disclose specifics. For example, why not be honest: "Our processor is adapted for gaming thanks to ray tracing support optimised for specific titles." This is transparent and helps users understand what exactly they are buying and what they can expect.

4. Stop calling the interface update "simplification", why did you make it so complicated before?

Every smartphone manufacturer always says two things when updating the interface of its shell: "bug fixes" and "simplified interface". If you have been "simplifying" for ten years, what does it look like in practice? I'll tell you - like the old joke about the composer who wrote "faster, faster, as fast as possible" in his notes, and on the next page wrote "even faster". Of course, operating systems are evolving (although for 5 years now we have only seen some cosmetic updates that no longer affect the user experience), they add new features and all of them need to be somehow organized into an interface. So that there is something to "simplify" later.

That is, every year we see the main irony: something is simplified and, at the same time, something is complicated so that there is something to simplify next year. I understand everything, but maybe it's time to bury this stewardess in communications with consumers and change the approach to explaining your updates? Because every time you talk about simplifying and removing bugs (and this record hasn't changed for years), I have a natural question: why did you make it so complicated last time and make bugs? Maybe it's better not to update your interface now, but to check whether it can be simplified right away. And test it thoroughly for bugs and stability?

So the next time you promise us "simplification", think about the fact that the user wants a clear and stable interface. Do you want to stand out from the competition with your interface? Hire usability experts and hide all the new features that will be used by only 5% of consumers as far away as possible - those who need them will find them anyway, and leave the rest of us with only the main things related to screen settings or wireless communications. And then it will be real, not imaginary "simplification", Smartphones have long been commoditised and most people do not want to search and explore there - leave it to reviewers and enthusiasts.

5. Stop calling all displays bright

According to smartphone manufacturers, every screen is a work of art that "impresses with its brightness". The problem is that this statement is heard year after year, regardless of how far the screen of a budget model is from being even slightly impressive. But they still call it "bright" and this has devalued the perception of this word, I'm afraid, forever.

Dear manufacturers, stop. If your screen is weak, it's better to keep quiet than to repeat this "bright" word again. They are all bright now, if you compare them to TFT screens of 2010. Brightness is not a universal indicator, it is enough to honestly indicate the peak brightness in nits (yes, I know that this figure is incomprehensible to the average consumer, but at least it allows you to compare the performance of one display with another). And stop feeding everyone with marketing noodles. There is always something to tell about your display besides brightness - refresh rate, HDR, calibration, contrast, or adaptation to lighting conditions. Don't focus on all the words relevant to displays, but only on those that distinguish your smartphone from others in (this is an important nuance) its price category. Then it will be much clearer for your audience. And if you have nothing to say about the display, say something else (but not about the "stylish" body, and not about the "productive" processor, as we all know).

6. Stop using the term AI everywhere - you're devaluing it

Artificial intelligence (AI) is undoubtedly an interesting and modern technology that has already changed our lives and continues to do so every day. But in the world of smartphones, this term has turned into a universal marketing lifesaver. An AI camera, an AI battery, even an AI keyboard! It seems that tomorrow, manufacturers will start calling the camera's LED a "smart" and "AI-enhanced" flashlight.

The reality is quite different. In most cases, "AI" is just a set of standard algorithms that are no different from the features that have been available for years. Does your camera automatically recognise the scene and increase colour saturation? Sorry, but that's not artificial intelligence. It's just a set of preset modes. Battery optimisation technology based on your usage? This sounds more like data analysis than anything revolutionary. I'm sorry, but if a smartphone stops an app that hasn't been used for several hours, what does artificial intelligence have to do with it?

It's even more annoying when the word "AI" is inserted just for the sake of weight. For example, you see a description of a new processor and it mentions "AI acceleration", even though the user will not notice any tangible improvement. Let's be honest: AI is a serious technology that deserves respect. Using it as a synonym for "cool" or "technically advanced" is a path to nowhere. If your device has real AI capabilities, such as machine learning or some other automation features, please tell us about it with specifics. But if it's just a marketing ploy, leave AI alone - it's already been devalued enough. We're all tired of promises that it will work "sometime in the future".

7. Stop calling any feature a "technology" with its own marketing name

Smartphone makers persistently try to hide ordinary features behind buzzwords to create the illusion of uniqueness. A steam chamber for cooling the processor becomes "HyperCool Technology", nighttime image processing is "NightVision Pro", and data protection by encryption is "SecureGuard AI". Is this an innovation? No, it's not. It's just an attempt to make standard features look like something exclusive, even though competitors have such features.

It is especially ridiculous when the same basic technology is given a "unique" name by each manufacturer. For example, photo optimisation algorithms - all these conditional "AI-Pixel Boost" and "UltraClear Image", but the essence is the same: a series of frames are combined into one to improve detail. The same goes for cooling: almost all modern devices use similar solutions, but each proudly adds its own brand name to make it look like a breakthrough.

Such tricks create the illusion of superiority where there is none and confuse users trying to understand the characteristics. Instead, manufacturers should honestly explain how the features work and how they are really useful. Instead of understanding, we only get a set of buzzwords that boil down to one thing: "Same as competitors, but with a different label".

8. Stop using meaningless names for case colours

"Cosmic ultraviolet", "night ocean", "moonlight silence"... It looks like a new album of meditative music, but in fact it's just a generator of marketing names for smartphone body colours. Manufacturers are so keen on coming up with catchy names that sometimes the colour itself becomes secondary. "Dawn Mystic Green"? It sounds interesting, but in reality, it's just grey with a slight green tint. "Misty pearl blue"? Let's translate it into human language: just blue.

Of course, it's good to sound creative, but when the name of a colour is more like a riddle than a description, it's only bewildering. Moreover, such names are often created only to draw attention to standard colour options (black and grey) that are not much different from previous models or competitors. This is especially ironic when smartphones named after the "moonlit night" are made of cheap materials that don't feel lunar at all. And the colours that look bright in the photo turn out to be dull in real life or lose their appearance after a couple of months of use.

So it's time for manufacturers to stop confusing users and just call colours what they are. Let's stop using epithets where they are not needed, there are normal, common and understandable colours: black, white, green, blue. Because inventing poetic names for colours is at least a waste of words, and at most a way to make us laugh.

9. Stop talking about "thin" and "light" cases

Smartphone manufacturers still insist that their devices are ultra-thin and incredibly light. But let's be honest: the race for thickness ended 15 years ago (and even then, they didn't resemble bricks). All smartphones today are equally large, thanks to larger displays (when was the last time you saw a diagonal less than 6 inches?), and light enough to not feel the difference between them.

It's funny that the difference between an "ultra-thin" and a "regular" smartphone is often tenths of a millimetre, which is impossible to feel without a caliper (and you also need to know where to measure, because for some reason everyone ignores the protrusion of the camera unit). The same goes for weight: 180 grams or 190 grams? Who will really notice this in everyday use? It's also ironic that the thinner a smartphone is, the more likely it is that its battery will "melt" along with its thickness.

And the most important thing is that weight and thickness have long been standard for most models, and no one really stands out in this regard. Is your device a couple of millimetres thinner than the competition? Great, but is it really a "revolution" worth shouting about? And what can anyone really feel in use today? After all, the difference of a few grams or millimetres can only be seen in technical documentation, but not in real life.

10. Stop talking about some kind of exceptional "autonomy"

Every year, smartphone manufacturers gleefully announce that a new model offers "significantly longer battery life". But here's the truth: the battery life of a device depends not only on the battery, but on many factors that companies prefer to keep quiet about. So when you are told that a smartphone "lasts longer", it often means only one thing: you use it sparingly, hardly ever touching it.

The real battery life depends on three key things: the brightness of the display (and how long you use it), the data transfer, and the activity of your apps. If you set the brightness to maximum and constantly surf social media or watch videos over the mobile Internet, the battery will melt before your eyes, regardless of the manufacturer's claims. In addition, a large number of active applications that constantly update data in the background can eat up the charge faster than you can say "power bank".

And now for the most interesting part: an increase in battery capacity usually goes hand in hand with "voracious" features - from larger and brighter displays to more powerful processors. So even with "bigger" batteries, the operating time remains roughly the same as in a three-year-old model.

The bottom line

We live in an era when smartphones have become so functional that even budget models are able to meet most of our daily needs. But manufacturers are still stubbornly coming up with marketing gimmicks, trying to sell old solutions in new packaging. Shells called operating systems, overly pretentious names for features and colours, mythical promises of autonomy and "revolution" where there is none - all of this often looks like an attempt to blindside the eye instead of offering real value.

Do they really think that consumers are still ready to believe every promise? Or have we finally reached a point where honesty and transparency in communicating with consumers will be more important than well-packaged clichés?